Burnt Toast

You imagine them
Affectionate, calm, intelligent, funny
Listening with their minds to every word
No matter how many times you repeat “like” or go off on tangents
They’re genuine, keep promises
Ask if you want to talk about it or want to be held
Remember the item of clothing you pointed to on a Tuesday
Three months ago in a random store
Create a computer game for your little sister
Who has muscular dystrophy
Cross off everything on the list you’ve kept and updated
Since a teen of how they should be
You breath rhythmically with their pulses
You wear their skin morning till night
You daydream every hour until your mother nudges your arm
Asking where you are, if you’re still here
If you understand your house plant is drying, nearing death.
And one day, you wake up
You remove the burnt toast from the toaster
Scraping off the char as much as you can to fix it
To make it look the way you wanted
The way it always was in your head
But you can’t
You never could