Between Trees

In the summer I bleed for trees and animals and insects and trains. My friend jumped in front of a train last year. I hate guns. I love knives. It takes effort to stab someone. It becomes an art. But you keep it to yourself or they call you crazy. Crazy is everyone. Crazy good. Crazy man.

Don’t you know no one wants to hear about your troubles? We all have problems. We can’t even look in the mirror for too long. Unless we hate ourselves. Flaws are monsters underneath the bed. Love is a pebble stuck in your shoe. Spiders are crawling and worms are wiggling while a baby is babbling.

No one knows who that dead guy under the bridge is. He has no social security number. That could be you. But your parents were different. They tried to make you successful. That didn’t turn out well. No one is well. We smile and widen those smiles till they hurt. All for a boss who doesn’t pay us enough to survive. Meetings are made to kill time. We kill ourselves every day.

The sticks are glued to the dirt that’s glued to the land that’s glued to your soul. Where is heaven? If it’s up there, I want to stay down here. The deeper I go, the more I realize I’m not me. I’m the you from centuries ago.

This pet fish is going to die soon. The pet store worker scolded me for putting it in a fishbowl. I pointed to all the beta fish crammed in the tiny plastic containers. Hypocrisy is nothing new. Anger has turned into numbness.

The little boy was touched decades ago, and people expect him to get over it. The fifty-year-old is retelling his childhood to a stranger in a library. People are repeating words they keep hearing on TV. I’m waving my arms around like Jello. I’m telling you I have it all figured out. You’re rolling your eyes again.

The nuns are smoking weed now. The monks are smoking meth. No one knows how to be at peace without using someone or something. The dollar means nothing. It’s everything. Society is corrupt. But it’s beautiful.

I’m staring at a veteran who’s whistling at 4 am in the snow. A dog barks and disturbs me. A phone call makes me feel like my cousin is still alive. This person I can’t get over has found their soulmate. My mother is getting remarried. I don’t hate the new guy but don’t like him either. My friend is popping out babies each year. People have no money but are spending like celebrities.

Soup is good for the summer too. I nod my head and you do too. You’re a robot now. I get messages every week from a man who wants me to die. I don’t know him. He doesn’t know me. I only know the words I read. He only knows the pictures he sees.

I don’t sleep. I vent to a crackhead who vents to me. I keep my neighbor’s mail and smell the perfume samples she gets. I go on walks at midnight to avoid people though I’m lonely. I hate waffles. I like pancakes. I hate syrup. I eat three donuts a year. I’ve smelled rotten watermelon and don’t wish it upon my worst enemy.

The snowflakes land on my car. Bird poop lands on my jacket. I give drivers the middle finger and laugh. I never honk my horn. There’s joy in reading people’s minds. We’re all psychics. We all see through the bullshit. We’re quick learners, but we slow ourselves down.

The bed should only be used to dream. The table is for creating. The kitchen is for decoration. You eat on the floor. I feed myself on the couch. The plants are never watered. I cry when you’re sad. You shrug when I cry.

There are colors missing in your life. I’ve never owned an orange shirt. I hide dishes in the dishwasher but never turn it on. I invite guests over but they never show. I tell you this year will be different. You grab a calendar and mark all the days.

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I wrote this in December, and as you can tell by how it’s all jumbled/random haha, I typed whatever came to mind without pausing to think about it. I believe I only changed 1 or 2 words. I do write this way sometimes, especially with lyrics. But I usually do a good bit of editing and take time to figure out ideas. There can be something really special though about writing on the spot with minimal or no editing. It’s like taking a photo in the moment without changing it. But of course, it doesn’t always work out perfectly, and what you’ve written may not make much sense.

After I wrote this piece, there was that little voice that said, “Remember what you learned in graduate school? Remember what all those fiction workshops were for? To have others tell you what does and doesn’t work.” Oh, let’s also add in all the debt that came with it. I did really enjoy my MFA program :)

Oftentimes when we write something, it may carry a certain meaning for us or make perfect sense in our heads. But if you were to show it to a stranger, they may not understand or have the reaction you were hoping for. The art of writing, I believe, is to convey what you are feeling/imagining in a way that your readers can capture as well. But another beautiful aspect of it is seeing new interpretations readers create.

There really aren’t any set rules to writing. There are times, however, where certain things work better. Sometimes, you don’t need to show. You can just tell. Sometimes, you can keep that sentence you love and don’t want to let go. Other times, you have to learn to let go. It may not fit. But it could be used elsewhere. Or maybe it can just remain as that special sentence that’s only for your eyes. You learn in time when and how to use the tools you’re given.

With that being said, I think it’s a great idea to try something new with your writing once in a while. Go on an adventure. See where it takes you :) And on the topic of trying something new, I never really share my thoughts on writing or about much really. I just post my piece, let it be, and disappear. If anyone enjoyed this, I could express my thoughts more often. Feel free to share any of yours as well if you wish.

I think because I see so many writers on here discuss writing, especially through notes, it’s inspired me tonight.

Clancy Steadwell

, I will mention you (another new thing I’m trying) because your notes were the most recent ones I saw, and my notes page (is that what you call it?) is usually flooded with your notes. No complaints, of course :)

Happy Friday, Good Friday, National Lemon Chiffon Cake Day, Mermaid Day, and World Marbles Day :)